Four months ago, someone mentioned Fresh Breasts on the Big Boob Problems subreddit, and I couldn’t wait to try it. Maybe I did something wrong, but this product didn’t work for me. Here’s a rundown of the two days that I tried it.

Day 1

8:56 AM squeezed a handful of product out of the tube and rubbed it over and under my breasts

9:03 AM top of breasts dry

9:07 AM under breasts still wet

9:12 AM under breasts still wet while sitting at computer; icky feeling

9:20 AM still wet

9:44 AM still really wet

9:59 AM still wet

10:23 AM still moist but powderier

10:58 AM tacky . . . not quite dry

11:32 AM dry-ish

12:12 PM mostly dry

12:40 PM dry (if very slightly tacky)

1:24 PM totally wet again from sweat

Day 2

I decided to use a smaller amount this time and to follow the instructions to “shake well before use” (although it doesn’t feel very effective to shake a tube full of product).

9:40 AM applied product

9:58 AM left breast almost completely dry . . . only slightly tacky in the crease

9:59 AM completely dry left breast; almost dry right breast

10:00 AM right breast completely dry. Sat braless at sewing machine. The area where my breasts rested on my torso felt dry, soft and pleasant.

11:04 AM hot and a little sweaty . . . slightly moist where breasts rested on torso

1:30 PM completely wet after sweeping back porch

The same company makes Fresh Balls, and I get the feeling that a group of guys thought their product could do double duty for women. But this copy from their website makes me think that they just don’t get it:

“Let’s face it, how many more times can you walk into a room and let your boob sweat-soaked shirt make the first impression for you? Boob sweat, or “swoobs,” is a common, and uncomfortable, problem most women have to deal with daily – until now!”

Or maybe I’m the one who isn’t getting it. Do YOUR shirts typically show two sweaty orbs that result in “uncomfortable and awkward arm-crossed encounters”? For me it’s all about underboob sweat, and unless I’m going braless, I don’t get the tell-tale wet crescents showing through my tee shirts. What I get is the gross feeling of sweat trickling between and beneath my breasts, and the helpless realization that my dry bra will soon be drenched. But I never worry about my shirt itself being drenched.

The instructions say to “reapply if needed” and to “wash your hands” after you apply. Given how long it takes this product to dry beneath DD+ breasts, it simply isn’t practical to reapply throughout the day–it’s barely practical to apply after a shower in the morning. And it’s kind of messy. If you don’t wash your hands, they’ll turn white. The same white looks like snow salt stains on your breasts. And yes, it rubs off onto your bra.

If anyone wants the rest of my tube of Fresh Breasts, let me know and I’ll ship it to you (domestically)! And if you have a better experience with this product than I did, we want to hear all about it.

In the meantime, I enjoyed wearing my cotton-lined Fraulein Annie Falling in Love bra all day today without feeling a single trickle of sweat. I’ll give a full review here soon.

Need more help with stay-cool options this summer? Here are some of our past posts on the subject:

Don’t Sweat It

You’ve Lost that Soggy Feeling

Best Breasts Forward: Hot Mama

Big Bust Heat Wave Bras and Strappy Tops

Best Breasts Forward: Sweating Through Summer

Staying Cool

Summertime and the Living is Strappy

 Thanks to commenters on Mia’s last post and Big Boob Problems, here are two more products that I’d like to try:

Monistat Complete Care Chafing Relief Powder Gel

Pure Romance Between the Sheets Powder Spray