Best Breasts Forward ~ Hot Mama

I’ve always been a “sweater”. When I was young it wasn’t a problem. Yes, it gets very hot in Michigan but there was always a lake nearby I could jump into and even as teenagers we never felt too cool for sprinklers, water guns or a homemade SlipNSlide. Growing up in Michigan, it was never as humid as it gets here in NYC. It is absolutely true what they say “It isn’t the heat, it’s the humidity that kills you.”

In the summer I become a different kind of “hot mama”. I swear it’s like my breasts are ginormous heat factories! No one can convince me there aren’t little men in there whose only job in the factory is to keep the furnaces going. Even after I get inside in the air conditioning, it takes me at least 15 minutes to cool off. I guess it takes the little men in the heat factories a while to get the message that the work whistle has sounded and it’s time to go home.

It starts from my breasts and radiates upwards to my neck and face and outward to my armpits, and I begin to sweat. All up under my boobs, on my face and under my pits. This. Is. Not. Sexy.

Let’s just be real. Unless you’re working out or having sex, sweating under your boobs feels nasty as hell! It also leaves awful marks on your clothes. Just wondering if anyone can see how much sweating works on my nerves, which makes me sweat more. I can almost picture my beautiful bra soaking it up. It makes me want to rush home and give my beauties a good wash while apologizing profusely for taking them out in the heat.

So what’s a busty gal to do? I can’t go braless and let them get a little air. I’ve tried the old school powder method but hate that when it mixes with the sweat, I’ve basically created the base for paper mâché!

I’ve decided to try Persper-eez Breast Sweat Pads. They are made for women that are a B cup or larger and have good reviews. I’ll let y’all know how they work out.image

In the meantime, I’m reaching out to my readers. What are your sweaty solutions?

Big Bust Celebration Dressing: Kris Line Has Your Back

Two years ago, this woman’s outfit made me wish for wide bra bands that are made to be seen. My idea was to create detachable panels that could cover the band, but none of you took me up on inventing it.

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It’s not just a wide band problem. This woman’s narrow band isn’t meant to be seen either.

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Then I found Kris Line’s visible bra back solution in their Spring/Summer 2015 look book–they moved the hooks and eyes of their Stella Deco Plunge Silicon bra to the side! Genious!

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This bra is scheduled to be available at the end of June, and it is supposed to come in white, beige, and black. There’s another color that looks like a pale grey in the book–I’ll update this post once I’ve confirmed.

As usual with Kris Line, it’s hard to find a U.S. retailer who carries the brand. Santa Bellman, the owner of La Bella Intimates in Winter Park, Florida, has told me that she can special order it for anyone who contacts her, but she suggested I contact the company directly for sizing help.  I sent my measurements in centimeters (101 cm over bust, 86 cm under bust) to a company rep and was told that I probably wear a 36DD. I’m not so sure about that.

To find my Kris Line size, I’m going to connect with Braology. If you live in or near New York City, why don’t you join me? They have just received several Kris Line sizing samples, and they have availability at two of their upcoming fitting parties tonight and June 6, as well as at a drop-in event they’re hosting from 11-6 in Manhattan next Saturday. I’ll probably go next Saturday afternoon. It’s not just the Stella bra back that’s motivating me–Braology is also taking pre-orders for Kris Line swimwear, including some of the pieces I gushed about last year.

Off the Rack ~ A Review of the J. Crew “Sophie” Bridesmaid Dress

For the third week in a row, I’m talking about weddings! But this time, I’ll be a bridesmaid instead of the bride, for my younger sister’s July wedding in Massachusetts. Both she and I went straight for J. Crew when we were looking for bridesmaid dresses because they offer multiple cuts in the same fabrics. I ultimately went with David’s Bridal because I wasn’t crazy about J. Crew’s colors at the time, and David’s was cheaper and had more cuts to choose from.

But my sister’s style errs on the preppy side, and J. Crew is totally her style, so when they offered a 25% off deal, she went for it (and there was another 25% off coupon this past week, so if you’re interested in these dresses, definitely sign up for the mailing list!).

The two dresses she offered the maids were the strapless, sweetheart neckline Marlie or the deep-V Sophie, in sea spray faille. They’re the exact same silhouette aside from the straps.

The Sophie.

The Sophie.

Sophie on the model.

Sophie on the model.

Sophie in profile.

Sophie in profile.

Since I never shop at J. Crew, and it takes months to get an appointment in their bridal shops, I went by the size chart and ordered online. Unfortunately, the size chart turned out to be completely incorrect. At 37”-29”-41”, I’m between their size 8 (36.5” bust and 29” waist) and 10 (37.5” bust and 30” waist). I ordered the 8, but when it arrived, I was completely swimming in it. It was just hanging off me and I could make a fist out of all the extra fabric:

Apologies for the terrible phone selfie.

Apologies for the terrible phone selfie.

Next I went to a J. Crew store to re-order it. I was hoping to just look at a smaller size on the floor to figure out if I needed a 4 or a 6, but they wouldn’t even let me in the bridal suite without an appointment. I asked if there was someone working who could advise me on sizing, and the cashier said the only people who know anything about the bridal merchandise are the bridal consultants and they were all busy.

I even tried just asking the cashier if he could advise on J. Crew’s normal dress sizes, explaining that I had technically sized slightly down with the 8 based on the chart, and it was humongous. But he didn’t know anything either! This was really aggravating. I ended up just going with the 4 and figuring I could come back and exchange it again if necessary. Two dress exchanges would literally take less time than the wait for a bridal appointment.

A few days later, the 4 arrived and it was a big improvement…but to be honest this is not a boob-friendly dress, and after trying it on again this week I don’t think it’s very flattering on me overall. It’s pretty obvious that it was designed with a straighter figure in mind, but I don’t think I could have sized up and gotten it tailored because the arm-holes are already too big and showing off my bra.

First up, the measurement discrepancies: Size 4 is supposed to fit a 34.5” bust and 27” waist, but when laid flat the waist actually measures 15.5” for a total of 31”. As for the bust, it does have three-dimensional cups, so if I allow my measuring tape to follow the boob curve while the dress is laid out, it’s about 19”, and measuring flat across the back is 17”, for a total of 36”.

So overall, the size 4 is an inch and a half bigger in the bust and four inches bigger in the waist. What the hell is J. Crew thinking?? Not only are the measurements off significantly, but the bust-to-waist ratio is also wildly off. The listed measurements have a difference of 7.5 inches (and this applies to most of the sizes), but the actual garment has a difference of only 5 inches.

Here are photos of the dress on me:

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As you can see, it fits okay, but as usual the dress is not curving under my bust. Additionally, it’s a bit small in the bust, just enough to squish my boobs together and make some cleavage. I don’t particularly mind this, but it’s something to keep in mind if you need to look conservative.

I thought the dress would look cuter if I belted it, and my sister wants me to wear a sash or something anyway, to differentiate myself as the maid of honor, so I got a couple different wide ribbons to try out. The one I like best is a 2.5-inch wide slightly stiff grosgrain. It really helps define my waist better, and to lower the waist to where mine is actually located (my long torso strikes again!).

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Unfortunately, though, the poof of the skirt in front, the shape of my tummy, and the slippery fabric of both the dress and the ribbon mean that it instantly slides up to a very unflattering position and basically outlines the roundness of my belly:

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From the side, it practically looks like a maternity dress:

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So what’s the solution? I’m hoping I can figure out some non-permanent way to make the ribbon stay in place in front. I might have to just sew a tiny stitch right in the center of my tummy and then remove it later.

Aside from all the negative comments about fit, there are some positives. The quality is really lovely. The fabric is heavy and feels nice, and the garment is fully lined. It also has pockets! And these pockets are actually big enough to hold a good amount of stuff, but thanks to the full, stiff skirt, you can’t see whatever’s in them. So I’ll be able to slip lipstick, a compact mirror, cash, and ID in the pockets, at minimum. Maybe my digital camera too . . . .

One other excellent design feature is that the straps have little loops to hold your bra straps in place. Why don’t all dresses have this??

Open.

Closed.

Closed.

I do have to note, however, that the loops are under an inch wide, so if you wear GG+ bras (which tend to have thicker straps), these may not work for you.

Overall impression: The dress is nice, but J. Crew really needs to sort out its sizing issues. And this design is definitely not what I would describe as “boob-friendly.”

 

Best Breasts Forward: Celebrating Color?

As we round out the school year and I prepare for countless graduation events for my son, I am being forced to go through my closet and decide if I’ll be needing to purchase dresses for any events. I will have the yellow Pepperberry dress in my hands soon to review and am hoping it will fit well.

Besides this cheery yellow beauty and a cream dress I purchased from Pepperberry a few years back, I’ve realized that most of my “event worthy” dresses are black. There was a time in my early 20’s when I could count on one hand the number of pieces in my closet that weren’t black. Black has always made me feel strong without drawing too much unwanted attention. Whenever I’m asked my favorite color I say, “Purple for crayons and black for clothing.”

As I looked at my beautiful LBDs I decided to embrace the fact that maybe Black is my color. Of course, I’m open to yellows, greens and what hot mamma doesn’t love red, but black IS a color to me. It doesn’t mean I’m bland or goth or that I lack imagination; in fact one of the things I love most about my black dresses is that depending on my hair, makeup and accessories they can show many sides of who Mia is.

Stay tuned to see the many sides of Mia ~ The Graduation Edition, where I will be showing the different events I attended, what I wore and how I wore my favorite color . . . black.