I think this happens to all of us sometimes. Seeing a woman and thinking wow, she’s so put together and stylish. And feeling frumpy and messy even though that’s not normally how you would feel.
For me this happened last week after reading Darlene’s “Why I Love Busty Dressing … Guidelines†post. I discovered the Girl with Curves blog and got caught up in scrolling the images because I think Tanesha looks so gorgeous in all her outfits. I’ve also been following Grown and Curvy Woman and adoring her amazing outfits for some time now.
I emailed Darlene saying I feel so inadequate. I know nothing of style so why even blog! I just had such an instant self-esteem dive and felt so unpretty. Ok, I was not in the best of moods to begin with and was feeling gloomy thinking about last spring and my father who was then struggling with Lou Gehrig’s during the final weeks of his life. So that definitely affected the knock to my self-esteem.
But to the point of this blog post. What did I learn from this and why am I writing about this? I really analyzed why I felt the way I felt and talked myself out of it. As this is something every woman sometimes feels, I thought others might like to read how another woman handled it.
Lessons learned:
- You can only be you, aspire to be the best you. Not someone else. (I never have time to do my hair or makeup as immaculately as the women whose looks I adore.)
Glowing blow-dryed hair and radiant makeup, adore. - Every woman dislikes some part of their body. Accept yourself as you are. (I’m more of an inverted triangle than an hourglass so while I simply adore a shapely hourglass figure – that will never be me.)
- While I find different facial features pretty, beauty is always in the eyes of the beholder. (I’ve tiny eyes and a small face in general, that’s me and I can’t change that.)
- Style is a reflection of your persona, create your own style with that in mind. (I’m not girly enough to wear flowy skirts or A-line dresses nor flowery prints or frills. I find them so beautiful on others, but I’d feel silly wearing them.)
- Wear what feels comfortable. (Nothing will ruin your day and make you feel less confident than wearing something you don’t feel comfortable in. For me mismatching coat or tights that don’t quite suit the outfit can create this nagging feeling that lasts all day… We all have our own little quirks 🙂 )
Very stylish and love both outfits but just think how you would feel wearing this to the office…!
What has helped you to be happy with yourself again after comparing yourself to someone else?
I’ve been thinking about your post for two reasons. First, I think it’s great that there are so many amazingly dress busty women so that we’re finally comparing apples to apples. You’re not comparing yourself to an angular woman and saying, “I wish I could look like that.” You’re comparing yourself to other D+ women. Second, it’s interesting that the things you compared yourself against are things that, supposedly, you have control over–what you wear and how you groom yourself. But it’s actually a mirage because you judged yourself against a standard of near perfection. Salma is married to a millionaire with stylists at her beck and call. Tanesha’s photos are carefully posed in front of her husband photographer, and I’m sure they weed out hundreds of rejects before choosing the ones that get posted. Both women are unquestionably gorgeous, but so are you. It’s easy to forget that when we’re focused on what’s left to do to make ourselves look perfect, and there will always be one thing left to do. By the way, I think you look amazing in the first photo.
good point Darlene. Indeed I’m only comparing myself to curvy women. And it’s true that I judge myself against near perfection but because I’d like to achieve that. On some occasions when I’ve had my hair done and wearing pretty fancy dresses like I would for a wedding I achieve that feeling but on my day to day look I sometimes feel I’m lacking what I wish I’d look like. It’s all in my head. As for my photos, there’s always just the one or maybe two shots, self timer and not a perfect angle to flatter me so should not feel so bad about the photos. Everyone from the right angle, in right light and more than just one shot can achieve a beautiful look!