It’s time for a little big bust humor to get us over the mid-week hurdle (although personally I don’t WANT Wednesday to end because that means our vacation is closer to ending as well). Here are some of my favorite funny stories submitted during our last Parfait giveaway. Have you had any similar experiences?
- Funny boob story: I bought a shirt with one of those long strips on the front indicating the size at Target or somewhere, and totally forgot to take it off, and walked around ALL DAY with it on, because it was below my Boob Shelf and I couldn’t see it. I don’t know if no one noticed, or was just too embarrassed to tell me – because I got home and it was still there!
- When I go out with friends, I usually don’t have pockets, so I just keep everything in my bra and just be sneaky when I get it out. Well, one time, I thought that no one was looking, but a group of guys saw me grab my ID out of my bra! One of them said something like “So that’s why they’re so big!!!!” and I almost died. It was really hilarious after the fact, but at the time it was super embarrassing.
- One of my funniest personal anecdotes is actually a prime example of my favorite thing about being a busty woman. I hit up the mall shortly after an exam to look for a new facial cleanser – tests and the stress associated with them always bring out the worst in my skin. I was wearing a basic black v-neck and a pair of old blue jeans, so I definitely wasn’t looking my best. One of those mall stands caught my eye, but I was a little bit wary about approaching, since the people manning them tend to be persistent to a fault in trying to get you to buy. Before I could decide whether or not I wanted to approach and look at their skin care products, I was practically pounced on by a young, attractive Middle Eastern man. He started off with his pitch, with that unnaturally happy tone that sales people often have, and eventually his eyes drifted downward to my cleavage. He quickly caught himself, but it happened two or three more times before he finally stopped talking, looked pointedly at my chest and said “I’m sorry, but those are so distracting.” He then continued to engage me in conversation about my breasts in a manner too charming for me to be offended. He flirtatiously made a sales pitch, but wanted over $60 for the scrub that I was interested in and there was no way I was paying that. We chatted some more, he kept stopping me from just walking away and finally he showed me how the scrub worked. I was really impressed, but there was still no way that I was going to be paying that much. In the end, however, I did end up buying a facial scrub – for 75% off what he was selling it for despite the fact that it was already “50% off” (you know, that pretend discount that stalls like that sometimes have to make you think that you’re getting a great deal) – and he threw in a couple of freebies (plus his number on the receipt). While I’m aware that it’s just his job to sell things, I definitely think that I came out winning – I got a bunch of products that I was already looking for at a great price, and a confidence boost along with it!
- Unexpected Big-Boob Problems are what makes the world go ’round. Mine came when I started working full-time as a nanny.I’ve been working with my charges since the day they came home from the hospital, and in the nine months I’ve been around, I’ve done lots of diaper changes, played lots of peek-a-boo, and administered lots of bottles. These babies started off nursing, and that’s when my troubles (albeit hilarious troubles) began.You see, babies don’t discriminate. They don’t care whose boob’s they’re going after, they just want milk. If you have mammaries attached to you, gosh darn it, they are going to try. And I am being completely serious when I tell you that you haven’t experienced anything until you’ve been on the receiving end of a reproachful glare from a hungry 3-month old.
- Short but sweet funny story:Â There’s a cute guy on my train ride home most days.Â The other day I thought I caught him looking at my awesome rack but turns out he was just noticing my awesome ketchup stain! 🙂
- Probably the funniest, but perhaps also most terrifying, story I have to tell about my breasts is about a meeting I had at work. I was wearing a “button-down” style shirt (which happened to have snaps instead of buttons). About halfway through the meeting, I was getting a little bored and fidgeted a bit in my chair. My breasts took this as a sign that I wanted toÂ take my shirt off, because three of the snaps immediately came undone. Fortunately, this did not seem to make any sound and the people near me at the table seemed absorbed in the content of the meeting, so I do not believe anyone else noticed. (And if they did, they did not say anything.) In retrospect, I would think it was a fairly humorous incident, although it was mortifying at the time.
As a high schooler I met a friend’s grandmother who was visiting from out of town. As she was leaving she realized she could not find her car keys. She described them as a big set the size of her fist with charms, car and house keys. We looked everywhere for what felt like eternity to no avail. Poor grandma started to cry and reached into her cleavage for a tissue. Lo and behold her keys appeared as well. 🙂 My high school size C cup couldn’t believe she had lost her keys in her boobs! Now my size I cup completely understands.
The funniest/ most ironic thing, I guess, is when it comes to my birthday. EVERYTIME I bent over to blow out the candles, I have a chest full of frosting!! The ironic part is that now I bake for a living. Boob indents are an extra fee….
My 34G breasts great to 34K with my pregnancy.Â No one noticed my pregnant stomach since my boobs were bigger than my belly!Â After she was born, I was sitting in my 6 week post-delivery appointment waiting for my OB, I look down and my boobs are basically sitting on my lap and my entire lap is wet and my legs are dripping with breast milk.Â The shocked look on my OBâ€™s face when she came in to find me holding a boob in each hand trying to stop the flow was priceless.
When I went to my sister’s 8th grade graduation, we didn’t have enough seats, so my four-year-old cousin sat in my lap. In the middle of the ceremony, he suddenly turned around and squeezed my boobs. The row of middle school students sitting behind us were quite amused. 🙂
*was quite amused. I tried to leave it alone once I posted, but that’s going to bug me if I don’t correct it!
When I was a teenager, I was holding my youngest sister on my lap facing me (she was about 5 or 6). All of a sudden, she held out her fists, taps on the top of my boobs twice, and exclaims, “You’ve got a lot of milk!!”
This same sister was pretty obsessed with breasts around this time…only she called them “muscles”. Her favorite question was “Will I have big muscles like you one day?!!?” [and whaddya know, now she does! hahaha]
I was also bombarded by a sales assistant at one of those stands, he was so ridiculously charming!
Last year, I spent a few days hunting for a dress to wear to my Year 12 formal and I found ‘The One’, an AU size 10 (my usual size) which fit my bust perfectly – no alterations needed!! – AND my waist. The best part though? My cleavage got complimented! “Your… ummm… *vague pointing to my chest* looks good.”
Forgot to say: the compliment was made by a straight girl, so I know it was genuine and not some perv looking at my chest the entire night. 😉