The good news: Anyone can be really sexy. The bad news: It’s not as simple as a pair of stilettos in the bedroom. With a title like “Sexiness Training from the Inside Out“, of course the workshop leader, Dr. Sharon Melnick, took a psychological approach.

After having us consider when, where and how we’ve felt sexy, she told us that the average human has 60,000 thoughts a day. Then she asked, “How many of your daily thoughts are in the service of helping you feel sexy?” The key, it turns out, is intentionality. (I warned you it wouldn’t be easy.) Once you have a clear sense of where you’re going and what sexy means to you, it’s a matter of filtering everything through this goal.

For instance, I identified “calm” as a sexy attribute. This explains why a low and measured speaking voice is so much sexier than a squeaky, breathless, panicky one. Knowing that my goal is to be calm will then affect how I talk to myself (encouraging and patient instead of blaming and angry) and respond to others (from a sense of knowing what I want rather than being desperate to please).

This summary is just a tip of the iceberg of a workshop that was itself a tip of the iceberg of what it means to be sexy. It must work, though, because Dr. Melnick, in her buttoned-up but perfectly fitting clothing, was the epitome of sexy–“I’ll have what she’s having.” (Nothing after the jump.)