It’s hard to find a more encouraging and affirming person on Twitter than @denocte, so I was thrilled when she submitted her own Fairy Bra Mother letter . . . from a very different perspective from the others you’ve read.Â After you read her bio, you’ll understand why:
My name is Liz.Â I am 23 and living in Austria.Â When I was 16 I started to sew my own clothing, especially corsetry and robes because I never found stuff that fit in the stores – small bust, prominent hips. When having to buy bras, I always just took the smallest size available. But it’s been 2 years since I was introduced to the German community Busenfreundinnen and found out that I’m not an AA and that most women are wearing the wrong bra size, which really changed my life.
After finishing school in Austria, I studied violin making in Germany, but due to some health problems I needed a career change, and now I’m studying biomedical analytics in Linz.
My love for sewing, lingerie and traditional Austrian clothing has developed over the years, so now I spend a lot of time with my sewing machine and with my bra-blog Kurvendiskussionen, trying to help Austrian girls and women with all lingerie problems, providing information that D isn’t the end of the alphabet.
Let’s have a little journey back in time.
You grow up, and your breasts are always a bit smaller than your friends’ are. Girls and boys this age can be cruel. Maybe they are making fun of you, maybe you just think for yourself that your bust is too small. You see women in film and media, with “perfect” shaped breasts, and then you start to think: “Why me?”
You’re getting older. You start buying more underwear;Â you’re almost grown up now, always picking the smallest sizes you can find. Maybe you’re brave enough to go to a lingerie store, where they look at you, turn you around and decide that you have “a small bust” which means you should wear “an A cup”.
Either way, that’s a bad start for a relationship. We shouldn’t be fighting against our own body. We shouldn’t be ashamed of our body. We are okay the way we are.
Me, too. I didn’t like my bust. I hated having to wear bras. They were uncomfortable and always, ALWAYS the straps were loose and slipping down my shoulders. Regardless how tight I pulled the straps, the bra didn’t support my breasts. I never even thought that this could be the bra’s fault. It was clearly my problem. My body, my breasts were the problem. It seemed they didn’t even fill a 70A (32A) cup. The bra didn’t support; it was lying flat over my chest. I couldn’t buy “sexy” lingerie because it was mostly only available in 34A or B and bigger sizes.
But there’s something people tend to not tell you.Â Your bust is NOT the problem. You just haven’t tried the right bra. But that’s not your fault either because I admit we have to search for them a bit. Often girls with smaller breasts need smaller underbands, too, which are often not available in lingerie stores.
And that’s the part you just have to believe me: There ARE bras that will fit you. Often you–don’t laugh!–are actually wearing cups way too small for your breasts.Â The wires should fit comfortably around your breast. The wires aren’t poking into your breast tissue or you simply don’t see it because the band you wear is too wide. Just to try: hold the band tight so it fits close to your body. Maybe let another person help you with that. Then try to adjust the bra correctly and let’s have a look:
Are the wires too small? Are the edges of the cups cutting into breast tissue? Does it feel as if your bust seems larger without a bra than with this bra you’re wearing right now?
Then the cups are too small.
Think about it for a minute.
The best part is: There are people out there selling bras that will fit you, people out there helping you to find the right size, the right cuts and everything. If you once get used to wearing a bra that fits, you won’t ever want to wear anything else again.
I experienced that my composure increased with wearing good bras. I sat and walked upright. People started asking whether I’d lost weight. And I’m not talking about push-up bras, just unpadded bras that simply FIT.
After having some people helping me find out my bra size, I went from 70A (32A) to 65D (30D) and I couldn’t believe it! Bras don’t have to be uncomfortable. It’s not OK to have to tug on your bra every other minute to check whether it’s still remotely in the right place.
We are not “too small” for “normal” bras. We are great the way we are. We simply have to look for lingerie at the right place. And no salesperson, however important she may be, has the right to tell me I should “look at the children’s department” ever again. Just because our sizes may not be available at H&M and Co., that doesn’t mean they don’t exist.
With fitted bras I learned not only to like myself again, but I got a deep respect for every woman out there. Bra fitting is not only a topic that concerns fashion. It’s a topic that concerns every woman. We come in so many different sizes and shapes, and that’s great! Diversity is what makes the world this interesting! And it’s not us who have to fit in fashion. Fashion has to fit us!
Your Fairy Bra Mother