If you saw Comment #80 in Corporette’s open thread last weekend, I’m curious to know your reaction. I post mine after the jump.
“I’m at the point in my life where I’m seriously considering a breast reduction, but also looking down the line to having children in 5ish years.
How do I broach the topic with my GYN (…I assume she’s the best to discuss this with?) at this point, where it’s not immediate, but also not hypothetical?
As background, I have a 34H chest, plan to have more than one child (and while I’d like to do it, am not attached to solely breastfeeding all 2+ kids), and my mother did the same thing. Although, my mom went from a 34C to a 34H with ONE kid (me, sorry Mom!), but she “gets†the fact that I’m anxious to do this. My uber boobs have caused me to gain weight (buying clothes to accommodate my boobs=> I “grew into†my clothes=> gained weight!) plus my serious neck, back etc. issues…. I’m so sick of these things!
Also, how to deal with this at work? I know that there’s been some discussion about surgery on this site as it relates to work– does it apply to breast reductions, too? I know my mom said that when she went thru it, people just thought she lost a whole bunch of weight (which she did….).
HELP!”
My reaction? “Whiner.” Friends and family have pointed out that I can have an empathy deficit, and I was definitely in the red on this one. I couldn’t get past my judgmental attitude enough to write a sympathetic or helpful reply. Partly it was the victim tone that she took: “My uber boobs have caused me to gain weight.” Partly it was the intense negativity: “I’m so sick of these things!” And because I have never experienced back or neck pain from my breasts, even when wearing the wrong bra, I also felt like she was lying.
Harsh, right?
Our reactions say more about us than the person we’re reacting to, and I’m still figuring out what my reaction says about me. Ultimately, I think this woman’s comment triggered dormant insecurities within. After all, she’s my size twin. If she feels such self-hatred, what would she think of me if she met me? Did I look so freakish that I should have gotten a reduction in my twenties or thirties?
Notice that I’m not even considering a reduction in my forties. Despite the paranoia that her attitude elicited, I realize that I am very satisfied with my body. That’s a good thing since I write a blog encouraging other D cup and higher women to be satisfied with theirs.
But it’s complicated, isn’t it? We laugh about our issues and celebrate our sexiness, but when someone else comes along who isn’t laughing or celebrating, it gives pause for thought. What are your thoughts?
I struggle with this one every day. I believe in loving ourselves the way we are…but sometimes the way I am causes stress and anxiety (shopping, working out, people making assumptions, etc. etc.). I know part of this falls under the 'grass is greener' umbrella, and I hear that argument every day from my friends who would 'kill' for my shape. But for me, sometimes the problems caused by the body I am trying to love outweigh the benefits, and if you add to that the fact that everyone I know who had a reduction feels 150% better in her skin…..I find myself daydreaming about how much easier things would be a couple cup sizes down.
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I understand her. I don't know if my back or neck pain is caused solely by the weight of my bust, but I have been told by my doctors that it certainly is factor in my TMJ disorder as having worn the wrong size bra for years put stress obn my shoulder and neck muscles, pulling on my jaw. Now that I finally have the perfect fitting bra (Panache 28HH, a US28K!), I find that clothes fit a bit better and I can stand a bit taller. BUT I still cannot find clothes that fit my body and my budget, and even the expensive "larger bust" clothes don't come small enough in the back, waist, and shoulders for me. It's demoralizing for me to go shopping for myself. It may explain why I have not purchased a new shirt for myself in 4 years.
I'm definitely getting a reduction when the time is right. But I can appreciate my naked body as it is now. My feelings change only when I have to put clothes on.
I'm with you Darlene. Sorry to the other ladies who might be offended, but if I hear one more person attribute back/neck pain to boobs I think I'll throw a wobbly (aka crack the shites).
But my anger also manifests in my belief that having a child should be a selfless act. In the brief moment that I considered a reduction, a google search told me my chances of breastfeeding might be affected – so that put an end to that. Isn't that what boobs are for, afterall?
Oh and if you're freakish-looking, I must be too at 34GG 🙂
Tammy, you express that so well, which is why it's impossible to call you a whiner.
Karen, to me you are the epitome of why this is such a complicated issue. I always wonder: When is enough enough? I no longer think H is too big because that's what I am and I like enough of the clothes that I can find. But if I were a K or anything higher than an H, combined with a 28" back?? I KNOW how little there is out there for you and how expensive it is for manufacturers to create something for you. I love your attitude toward your body, and I would love if we could find more resources for you to be able to dress it the way you want in its current beautiful state. I don't know what size cup she is, but have you looked at the Thin and Curvy blog? She's also a 26 or 28 back. And even though your bra isn't the issue, she has interesting thoughts on reductions here: http://www.thinandcurvy.com/2010/11/change-your-bra-not-your-body.html
Phillipa, you're so refreshing. 🙂 One of the women who replied to the Corporette commenter said she'd had a reduction, and the doctor had been super careful to make sure she could still breast feed. Would that change your mind??
I've never, ever considered a reduction. I hear about women thinking about it at smaller sizes than me.
Like you, I have never had any neck or back pain from it, but I can't know what this other woman feels :/
I would never volunteer for surgery, it is always dangerous. It's putting yourself at risk and I don't see the gain.
I will stay as I was made.
Occasionally it's annoying to have a large chest, but I think I'm beautiful and perfect the way that I am.
it is indeed *VERY* complicated, I've been trying to find a reason or a metric to determine what drives a woman to opt for breast reduction.
So far I know is that solely bra size is not it. There are just way too many variables.
I read of women wearing E cups asking for reductions, and women wearing J cups who are happy with them (although they all complain about clothing).
Women with DD complain about back pain and women with HH cups don't.
I assume that there's the breast weight/density issue. The band/cup ratio. Hips/Bust balance, waist strength and transversal area. And a % of women who have chronic or are prone to have weaker backs (which is not a small number) so some extra grams pull the pain trigger.
Another thing is that many of the women who opt for reduction may claim that they are a "DDD" cup, when under proper fitting they could be in need of an H cup or so (the 80% wearing wrong bras).
So, bra size alone is not enough to tell if someone may be willing to consider having her bust reduced :-/
A big factor though is a psychological precondition, many women freak when they hear a cup size beyond D, if they have this thoughts and find themselves wearing something further than DD think of themselves as "huge" and then all their problems will be because of their "huge breasts" even when many may not be. What's worse is that at the moment their are reduced, she does not see the problem so all the further problems are gone and she ends up as a happy breast reduction statistic.
So yes… it is *VERY VERY* complicated.
I totally agree that women freak out when it comes to learning they're over a d cup (I've written about it a few times now http://dbusted.com/denial-a-boobs-worst-friend/) and that's probably a big factor. Most women dont want to think they've got boobs the size of a porn star's or .
I'm sure that most surgeons would be super careful not to affect the ability to breastfeed, but I'm not willing to take even 0.1% chance – I guess it's just too important to me?
I love everyone's thoughtful responses. JJ, your observations on what does and doesn't drive a woman to opt for breast reduction shows how relative everything is.
I believe it's an attitude adjustment thing. I used to be determined to get a breast reduction as young as 19, mostly for fashion-industry-pressure reasons , and I've since realized that the more "acceptable" reasons I constructed as justification–back pain, weird perverts–not only occur in girls with small boobs and also MEN, but they weren't really the reason I wanted it. I was lucky enough to snap out of my self-loathing long enough to realize that my boobs are awesome, and now they're probably my favorite physical feature, on myself and other girls.
You really need to be able to joke about your boobs, and make them part of your act, if they are each as big as your head. The fact is that people will notice, but there's no reason this attention has to be negative. Being humiliated by one's body really is a choice. As I appreciate my boobs, I'm not offended when people notice them, and I'm willing to put up with a little back pain. (Surgery causes pain too.) I tend to use my back pain as an excuse to demand massages from cute men.