(The Rack is a weekly column by musician, babysitter, waitress and fit model Tammy.)

Greetings, my curvalicious friends. Today I made my first consultation appointment with a plastic surgeon to discuss a reduction . . . it’s next Monday (2/28), and since my post next week will undoubtedly be all about what I learn during my appointment, I’ve opted for something a little lighter this week.


Perks of Having Ginormous Breasts

  1. hilarious pickup lines
  2. fearless eye makeup experimentation (because who’s really looking up there anyway?!)
  3. babies doing that head-turning, “feed me?” thing when you hold them
  4. attracting guys with mommy issues
  5. getting checked out 10x more often than the average female (i.e. when you’re on the treadmill, in a burlap sack, covered in sweat, ketchup, mud, etc. )
  6. inability to tell the difference between foreplay and breast exams
  7. really original nicknames (Tits McGee, Sugar Tits, Jugs, etc.)
  8. random gay men feeling you up at all times
  9. random women of various ages/sexual orientations asking if they can feel you up
  10. more hugs than you know what to do with
  11. better service at restaurants, bars, the post office, grocery stores, and Home Depot
  12. bitchy looks, comments, and attitudes from jealous/enraged females who wish they could have better service at restaurants, bars, the post office, grocery stores, and Home Depot.
  13. built in flotation devices (convenient, since life jackets are fashion suicide)
  14. awesome excuse for getting out of gym class (“I forgot my sports bra, Mr. T! Are YOU going to pay for my lift?”)
  15. great cleavage without a push up bra
  16. great cleavage without a low cut shirt
  17. great cleavage at the gym
  18. great cleavage at the gynecologist
  19. ability to make even the most zen yogi blush when you attempt plow pose/shoulder stand (if you don’t know what I mean, please Google and get back to me.)
  20. free drinks, free samples, free personal training (no, but really!)