Can we can wear horizontal sailor stripes? According to Christina Binkley in yesterday’s Wall Street Journal, “[D]espite the adage about horizontal stripes being fattening, their clean, crisp lines are actually flattering.” That could be true, and they may even camouflage what’s underneath. Next time I pass a sailor shirt for sale, I’ll test my hypothesis.

Unfortunately, sailor shirts also tend to have only boat necks or crew necks, or as I like to call them, shipwrecks. My theory is that such a neckline plus horizontal stripes would work together to over-emphasize the bust. So I’m looking for a SCOOP neck sailor shirt. Let me know if you find one. I found this online, but it’s no longer available.

Now, what about white? If you’ve been following my blog, you know what I think, so I was surprised to read that Elle, a writer for The Demoiselles [link no longer active], has avoided white all her life:

As a heavier girl with more protrusive attributes, we are taught that white is not our friend. White will make us look fat(ter) and blah-blah-blah-something relating to Shamu in a wedding dress. Because of this deadly childhood lesson, I’ve positioned myself as far from white as fashionably possible.

When she tried the white t-shirt pictured after the jump, she was amazed to find that she didn’t look “anything like a sea mammal.”

She looks gorgeous and voluptuous. But can you predict my only criticism? This t-shirt needs a lower neckline. We can wear any color we like, but a crew neck does not do justice to our greatest asset. A flattering neckline is more important than whether we wear stripes or white on top.

(Given everything else that Elle loves about this shirt, I would probably have been tempted to choose it as well. It’s hard to find all the features we need in one garment.)