One of the goodies we got at the Busty Clothing Swap was a coupon for the NYC Bettie Page Clothing store. The Alika dress fit me perfectly, so I was super excited to get 20% off something else. I spent a good hour and a half one day trying on everything that even remotely drew my attention, but it turned out to be decidedly unsuccessful. It seems the Alika was a fluke, because nearly everything else has no room for boobs (or a butt if the hips are tight) and the waists were nearly all unflattering.

Apologies for the poor quality photos. I forgot to bring my real camera, so had to do it all with iPhone selfies. And unfortunately, the changing room doors are black, so it was hard to see the edge of anything dark-colored. Click to view any of the pictures bigger.

Malibu, size M. At first I thought this one was too costume-y, but one of the shopgirls was wearing it and she looked smashing, so I decided to try it too. As you can see, the waist seam angles upward in front, a sign that it’s not designed for big boobs.
Malibu, size M. At first I thought this one was too costume-y, but one of the shopgirls was wearing it and she looked smashing, so I decided to try it too. As you can see, the waist seam angles upward in front, a sign that it’s not designed for big boobs.
Worse than the angled seam was the excess fabric at the waist. Look how much I can pinch. No thanks!
Worse than the angled seam was the excess fabric at the waist. Look how much I can pinch. No thanks!
This image shows that there was some gaping at the buttons. This dress just did not work all around.
This image shows that there was some gaping at the buttons. This dress just did not work all around.
Next I tried the same polka dot dress in teal, and it actually fit quite a bit better even though it’s the same size.
Next I tried the same polka dot dress in teal, and it actually fit quite a bit better even though it’s the same size.
Unfortunately, the angled seam is even more pronounced when the bodice is tighter.
Unfortunately, the angled seam is even more pronounced when the bodice is tighter.
What a nice faux pregnancy tummy. Next!
What a nice faux pregnancy tummy. Next!
Sea Breeze, size M. This one’s a little hard to see because of the black door behind me, but it was made of a non-stretch fabric and had more tailoring.
Sea Breeze, size M. This one’s a little hard to see because of the black door behind me, but it was made of a non-stretch fabric and had more tailoring.
The straps laid over my Ewa Michalak bra straps perfectly!
The straps laid over my Ewa Michalak bra straps perfectly!
However, you can see some looseness under the bust here. I just wasn’t really feeling it with this one even though it was an improvement over the Malibu.
However, you can see some looseness under the bust here. I just wasn’t really feeling it with this one even though it was an improvement over the Malibu.
Here’s when the shopgirl starting bringing me size small items instead of M. This blouse is awful. It is so not my style, and it gapes at the buttons. You can’t tell in the photo, but the skirt was so small I couldn’t zip it up all the way. It’s open about 5 inches in the back.
Here’s when the shopgirl starting bringing me size small items instead of medium. This blouse is awful. It is so not my style, and it gapes at the buttons. You can’t tell in the photo, but the skirt was so small I couldn’t zip it up all the way. It’s open about 5 inches in the back.
Brigit Circle, size S. After I complained that the waist was too big in the Malibu and the bust too small, the shopgirl brought me this in a small. It’s stretch bengaline with a zipper up the back, so it fit my waist and bust much better and felt pretty good.
Brigit Circle, size S. After I complained that the waist was too big in the Malibu and the bust too small, the shopgirl brought me this in a small. It’s stretch bengaline with a zipper up the back, so it fit my waist and bust much better and felt pretty good.
Look, the waist seam only angles up a little bit this time!
Look, the waist seam only angles up a little bit this time!
However, Brigit suffered from one fatal flaw…the arm holes were way too small and tight.
However, Brigit suffered from one fatal flaw…the arm holes were way too small and tight.
This photo is supposed to show you how much it was cutting into my armpit. If it doesn’t look that obvious, let me just say that it was more painful than the worst armpit-chopping bra I’ve ever tried. There was no way this could work. Such a shame, because I quite liked the rest of the dress and probably would have bought it if not for the stupid arm holes.
This photo is supposed to show you how much it was cutting into my armpit. If it doesn’t look that obvious, let me just say that it was more painful than the worst armpit-chopping bra I’ve ever tried. There was no way this could work. Such a shame, because I quite liked the rest of the dress and probably would have bought it if not for the stupid arm holes.
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Charlie Jumper, size M. I was so excited to try this skirt. It wasn’t even out on the floor, but the cashier showed me photos of items that had just come in and I got to try it in small and medium…but it was awful. The polyester/spandex blend has some kind of weird proportion so that it’s not actually very stretchy. As such, the small was crushing my butt like a sports bra and I could barely move my legs to walk. The medium, as you can see here, had a massive amount of excess fabric at the waist.
Here’s me making a fist out of all the extra fabric. God, what is this?? It’s like they forgot it was supposed to be high-waisted, so they put the room for the butt under the waistband (which went almost up to my boobs) instead of low enough where a human butt would actually be.
Here’s me making a fist out of all the extra fabric. God, what is this?? It’s like they forgot it was supposed to be high-waisted, so they put the room for the butt under the waistband (which went almost up to my boobs) instead of low enough where a human butt would actually be.
Ice Coffee Pencil, size S (shouldn’t that be iced coffee?). And here we come to the worst of the day. This was another new item that wasn’t on the floor, but unfortunately it was only available in small. Again, not enough spandex to be stretchy, so it just compressed all my curves.
Ice Coffee Pencil, size S (shouldn’t that be iced coffee?). And here we come to the worst of the day. This was another new item that wasn’t on the floor, but unfortunately it was only available in small. Again, not enough spandex to be stretchy, so it just compressed all my curves.
Where are my boobs?? It looks like I’m wearing a minimizer bra and three layers of Spanx!
Where are my boobs?? It looks like I’m wearing a minimizer bra and three layers of Spanx!
Note that it’s flattening my chest when it’s still 5 inches unzipped. That’s right, I couldn’t even zip it up all the way. And WHERE DID MY BUTT GO??? It’s completely flat! Of course the waist fit perfectly, so even if there had been a medium, it probably wouldn’t have worked either…
Note that it’s flattening my chest when it’s still 5 inches unzipped. That’s right, I couldn’t even zip it up all the way. And WHERE DID MY BUTT GO??? It’s completely flat! Of course the waist fit perfectly, so even if there had been a medium, it probably wouldn’t have worked either…

Finally, I made one last ditch effort to find something that worked, and pawed through the sale rack. All stuff from the previous season, there wasn’t a single small or medium to be found. Just the ends of the spectrum—xxs, xs, xl–4x. However, I did pull out one size large and realized that it looked a little small…

Wha-bam! Finally! This dress is awesome! And it actually fits! Maybe a touch loose under the bust, but good enough.
Wha-bam! Finally! This dress is awesome! And it actually fits! Maybe a touch loose under the bust, but good enough.
Look how awesome this thing is! And it was made of lined jersey fabric, so it felt really comfy. Since it’s not too tight, it also doesn’t ride up when I walk around.
Look how awesome this thing is! And it was made of lined jersey fabric, so it felt really comfy. Since it’s not too tight, it also doesn’t ride up when I walk around.
The print is little antique cars! Too cute. Also, it displays a surprising amount of cleavage.
The print is little antique cars! Too cute. Also, it displays a surprising amount of cleavage.

This beauty ended up being on sale for more than half-off so I didn’t use my coupon. I had planned on going back and trying a few more things when they came in to the store, but never got around to it so this ended up being my only purchase.

Moral of the story: Do not assume anything from Bettie Page will fit you even if a previous purchase worked well. You must try on everything!

And one last photo to compare to the Ice Coffee no-butt. Here’s what my rear looks like when it’s not being crushed to death…

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