(The Rack is a weekly column by musician, babysitter, waitress and fit model Tammy.)
Greetings, my curvalicious friends. Today I made my first consultation appointment with a plastic surgeon to discuss a reduction . . . it’s next Monday (2/28), and since my post next week will undoubtedly be all about what I learn during my appointment, I’ve opted for something a little lighter this week.
Ahem.
Perks of Having Ginormous Breasts
- hilarious pickup lines
- fearless eye makeup experimentation (because who’s really looking up there anyway?!)
- babies doing that head-turning, “feed me?” thing when you hold them
- attracting guys with mommy issues
- getting checked out 10x more often than the average female (i.e. when you’re on the treadmill, in a burlap sack, covered in sweat, ketchup, mud, etc. )
- inability to tell the difference between foreplay and breast exams
- really original nicknames (Tits McGee, Sugar Tits, Jugs, etc.)
- random gay men feeling you up at all times
- random women of various ages/sexual orientations asking if they can feel you up
- more hugs than you know what to do with
- better service at restaurants, bars, the post office, grocery stores, and Home Depot
- bitchy looks, comments, and attitudes from jealous/enraged females who wish they could have better service at restaurants, bars, the post office, grocery stores, and Home Depot.
- built in flotation devices (convenient, since life jackets are fashion suicide)
- awesome excuse for getting out of gym class (“I forgot my sports bra, Mr. T! Are YOU going to pay for my lift?”)
- great cleavage without a push up bra
- great cleavage without a low cut shirt
- great cleavage at the gym
- great cleavage at the gynecologist
- ability to make even the most zen yogi blush when you attempt plow pose/shoulder stand (if you don’t know what I mean, please Google and get back to me.)
- free drinks, free samples, free personal training (no, but really!)
